I am certain that every single person reading this blog believes that good present fathers are vital to happy, thriving children, a happy home and culture. Most of you probably know the statistics about fatherlessness I am about to list, and if you don’t, well pay attention! As you read each statistic, I want you to think about something that I believe is just as negatively impactful to our homes, our children, and our culture. As a matter of fact I think it may sometimes be the most damaging.

Here is what I want you to think about as you read the statistics about fatherlessness; present but absent fathers. The best way to describe this is, fathers who are physically present but emotionally, mentally, or spiritually absent from their homes and the children. Their bodies are in the home, they are near their wives and children but they are somewhere else inside. As you read the statistics, think about the homes that are not being counted in the numbers because their father is physically “present” but internally absent.

Fatherless Crisis

Research shows when a child is raised in a father-absent home, they are affected in the following ways (statistics from National Fatherhood Initiative):

• 4x Greater Risk of Poverty
• More Likely to Have Behavioral Problems 
• 2x Greater Risk of Infant Mortality 
• More Likely to Go to Prison 
• More Likely to Commit Crime 
• 7x More Likely to Become Pregnant as a Teen
• More Likely to Face Abuse and Neglect 
• More Likely to Abuse Drugs and Alcohol 
• 2 More Likely to Suffer Obesity
• 2x More Likely to Drop Out of School

U.S. Census Bureau. (2022). Living arrangements of children under 18

years old: 1960 to present. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Census Bureau.

National Fatherhood Initiative® 2019. Father Facts: Eighth Edition.

Germantown, MD: National Fatherhood Initiative

What Will You Do?

So now what? Those statistics are startling, and if you pondered what I asked you to, then you recognize what I have; we need more men to step up and step into their father roles. As I go through life and I hear people’s stories, I have come to realize that the minority out there are those who grew up with a fully present father, physically and internally present. Maybe, you are part of the few who had a fully present father. If you are, I would stop right now and go thank your father, express your gratitude. Whether you had a fully present father, grew up in a fatherless home, or a home where your father was physically present but internally absent, I am urging you to take action! Some men who read this will disregard these statistics and my words, some men will feel empathetic and sad about these statistics but do nothing, very few men will read this and be inspired to TAKE ACTION. 

Every Man is a Son And a Father 

In order to help these statistics improve and make a positive change in this world, we need to follow and we need to lead. We have been talking about the Spirit of Fatherhood in the HeRose Men’s Mastermind. The spirit of fatherhood does not necessarily only apply to you if you have biological children or adopted children. The spirit of fatherhood applies to every man. We are responsible for two things when it comes to the spirit of fatherhood; our sonship, our following of good men we look up to and our fathering to others who look up to us. 

Sonship

I have always been adamant about making sure my daughters are brought up in a good environment. I am vigilant about who they hang out with, what they eat, what they watch, and their spiritual life. Sometimes, I think that when we become “adults” we don’t need to be on guard about these things. And so, sometimes we binge eat or watch things that are not healthy for us, sometimes we hang out with the wrong crowd, and many times we forget to connect to our spiritual source. I believe we need to be willing to submit, follow, and be corrected in our roles as sons. Now, don’t get me wrong, by no means will I put you on a timeout for not hitting the gym (although sometimes I feel like we really need it). Here are three things you can do to help you follow better:

1. Content – We need to be intentional about what we put into our bodies, minds, and spirits. What we put in will come out. Don’t just take default content into your life. If the only form of learning is from Netflix and random scrolling on social media then I would say you need to elevate your intentional content. 
2. Community – We need to be intentional about those we have around us. Like I said early, we are not looking for someone to be our dad and correct us when we are doing wrong. As grown men the way we correct ourselves is by consistently putting yourself around men you respect and admire. This one action will instantly help you improve your actions because you will want to emulate what you see in these men. 
3. Coaching – We need to be intentional with asking for perspective. Having a group of men that you respect surround you is a great first step. However if you really want to go to the next level then you need to seek out a mentor or a coach. 

Fatherhood

As we begin to work on ourselves through improving our sonship, we need to ask ourselves who am I bringing along on the journey of growth with me. We all have someone who looks to us, it could be our children or it could be our siblings, our colleagues, or even our friends.  We therefore have a responsibility to lead them in the right direction. Here are the three things to work on to improve your fathering spirit:

1. Content – Are you creating content for those who look up to you. Your voice is a voice that can impact so many, we need you to step up and lead. The best content that I have has been from men who are actively on the journey of improving themselves and share what they are learning. 
2. Community – Are you showing up as a leader in a group of men? When you attach yourself to a group or mastermind it clarifies who you are, what you stand for, and what you will fight for. Choose a group of men to show up for and don’t just up to eat, provide your thoughts, opinions and insights as food for those who look up to you. 
3. Coaching – Those who look up to you spell love T-I-M-E. Meaning, you need to invest one on one time with those you lead. Get involved in a coaching or mentor program and be willing to completely give of yourself to these men. 

Presence is Power Not Perfection 

As you go on this journey of growth and fighting against all types of fatherlessness in this world, be ready to encounter difficulties and obstacles. It is not an easy path when you want to be the best version of yourself as a son, father, husband, and whole man. The thing that I have often found to cripple men from taking action is this idea that you have to be perfect to begin. Let me clarify here, your children, your homes,  those who look up to you, don’t need you to be perfect, they just need you to be fully present. Let them fully see you on this journey, be open and honest with yourself and with them, and that men; is true power! I’ll leave you with this powerful wisdom from ancient proverbs:

“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

-Proverbs 22:6 

But make sure you are actually going that way yourself!

-Sammy